On my way to work yesterday I saw a blind girl who was having trouble figuring out which way to cross the street. After asking her where she needed to go, I pointed her in the right direction. At first I had that moment of self-congratulation. You know the one: you feel really good for helping someone out. And why shouldn’t I feel good? I spent somewhere between ten and thirty seconds helping another person.

But then tears began to well up in my eyes as I thought about what it would be like to be blind, to see nothing but blackness all of the time, to need help just to cross the street, and I felt far from self-congratulatory.

I’ll be honest; it made me question God. It raised doubts in my mind, and I still don’t have it all figured out.

God says in the book of Job, “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!” And later, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?“

I throw myself on God’s grace and mercy because sometimes I do question Him. Sometimes I don’t understand, and I struggle and doubt His goodness.

Do I still believe in God? Yes. Do I still believe that He is good and loving? Yes. Are those things hard to believe sometimes? Yes.