Have you ever noticed that some people are great at working a room? They show up at a party and by the end of the night have the names and e-mails of half the guests. It doesn’t matter if they’re at a friend’s dance party or a business conference, they can meet almost anyone with ease.
I am not one of those people.
However, I am in a job where I am sometimes called upon to make connections with people I’ve never met, and I’ve learned a few tricks to help me since it doesn’t come naturally.
- Ask (Good) Questions – I’m meeting people at church, so I ask them how long they’ve been attending, how they heard about the church, and what brought them to DC (since most of our congregation are transplants). Armed with that basic information, I’ll often move to the “genesis” question, what got them started. A job is what usually brings people to DC, so I ask them why they chose that career field. I’ll ask them what they like or don’t like about what they do. If you’re at a business function, ask they why they got into that business. Ask them what they like about it. Ask them what they would do if they weren’t in that field. Ask them what drives them.
Be sure your questions are open ended. Don’t ask them if they like their job. That only requires a yes or no answer. Ask them what they like about their job. The question is open ended, continuing conversation, not abruptly stopping it because of a one word answer.
This doesn’t always work. Sometimes all you can get are one word answers anyway. That’s okay. It’s not your fault. You can’t get water from a rock. Don’t let one awkward experience discourage you.
- Don’t Force the Sale – It’s much harder to connect with someone when you feel pressure to achieve a desired outcome, to sell a product, solicit a donation, etc. My job is to help people get connected with our church’s small groups, but when I meet people, I don’t always tell them about groups. If it comes up in the conversation or if I can naturally take it there, great. If I never get around to it, oh well. Don’t let the pressure of pitching to everyone stop you from connecting with anyone and thereby selling to no one.
- Care About the Person – This should probably be a subset of the previous point, but one of the things that helps you care less about the sale is when you care more about the person. Is whatever you’re promoting actually useful to this person? Would it actually benefit them? If not, don’t try to convince them that it will. I think small groups are good. I think they help people. That’s why I promote them. But if they’re not what a person needs at this moment, then I don’t want to try to convince them they are.
- Eat Your Own Dog Food – Use whatever your selling. It’s so much easier to invite someone to come along than tell them to go see. For example, with groups, it’s much easier to invite someone to come to a group with me than tell them to go visit a group with people they’ve never met. It’s harder (and probably disingenuous) to convince someone to buy a Ford when you drive a Chevy.
- Don’t Take Yourself too Seriously – You know what, if things don’t go well every time, that’s okay. As long as you don’t dump coffee all over the person’s white shirt, it’s unlikely you did too much damage. Don’t stress out about it. That will probably just make you more self conscious anyway.
What tips do you have for connecting with people you don’t know?
