The Old Testament book of Ezra tells the story of a prophet by the same name who leads a group of exiles back to their homeland.

In his own words: “I gathered them to the river that runs to Ahava, and there we camped three days. … Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from him a safe journey for ourselves, our children, and all our goods. For I was ashamed to ask the king for a band of soldiers and horsemen to protect us against the enemy on our way, since we had told the king, ‘The hand of our God is for good on all who seek him, and the power of his wrath is against all who forsake him.’ So we fasted and implored our God for this, and he listened to our entreaty.”

I love the raw honesty, the fearful yet active faith. The story is incredibly simple yet unfathomably deep. The king had already given Ezra an immense amount of wealth and almost certainly would have provided protection, but Ezra had put God on the line and wouldn’t jeopardize His reputation. So they fasted and implored God, and He listened to their entreaty.

Last night I was laying in bed and asking God for a deeper relationship with Him or for Him to use me more or something like that. I don’t even remember what exactly, but I felt something inside me ask how badly I wanted it. Did I want it badly enough to set my alarm just a little bit earlier, to wake up in time to spend some time with the Lord?

This morning I got just a little less sleep and spent a little more time in the Word. I’m a little more tired but a little more fed. What are you willing to give up for that which is most important to you?

I think there are some lessons that God has been trying to teach me over the past few months, namely, to trust Him and stop trying to control everything and consequently to have peace and joy in the midst of stressful circumstances.

Unfortunately, these were lessons that I did not learn. Buying our house was certainly a stressful ordeal. Things weren’t as smooth as I would have liked. Near the end of the process I realized that God was probably trying to teach me not to worry, to trust Him, and yet even after I realized this, I still worried, I still got stressed, and I failed to trust.

Sometimes I’m so dense.